Will She Change After Marriage?

Dear Nana Ama,

I am a 27-year-old businessman and my woman is 40 and a seamstress. We belong to the same tribe but reside at different towns.

Initially, we were platonic friends but a year later, I mustered up the courage and proposed love which she warmly accepted.

We have dated for about two years and are now planning to tie the knot. She is very humble, respectful and industrious. All my relatives and friends admire her very much despite the age difference.

Nana, my problem is that this woman has been married twice with four children. She was a divorcee before we met. I am afraid that after I perform the marriage rites, she may change her attitude towards me.

Do you think she will maintain the sort of respect and humility she is expressing now? Nana don't you think she is an experienced woman in view of the fact that she was married for good ten years?

However, I am not ready to leave her either today or tomorrow. So kindly advice me on what to do because I really love her. I am frustrated, please help me.

Kwame, Oda.

Dear Kwame,

Although you have already made up your mind about marriage to your older woman partner, it will be in your interest if go into it with your eyes wide open and make sure it's what you really want.

Seemingly, would-be couples in the same age group tend to relate to each other better. While the generational differences could be fun, it can also be frustrating for both of you especially if you both use the experiences and references from your past to express yourselves in the present, and if you're both not getting it.

You wrote that she has four children. That means your woman already has a family of her own and therefore she comes into the marriage as part of a package.

You must understand that such a ready-made family will bring you responsibilities you may not be used to. Again, although this by itself may not be a problem, much of the time, you could fall into second position in her life.

As you may already know, the older a woman gets, the less likely her chances of conceiving. So if you definitely want kids in your future, you have to be realistic about your reduced chances.

If you want to have an idea what she will be like when you marry her, you could check out the following: What kind of relationship did she have with her ex husband? What kind of relationship does she have with her children? What type of mother is she?

What kind of relationship does she have with her other family members? What kind of worker is she? Does she have any bad habits that you think will adversely affect you and your children, if any?

Find out what her intentions are for your future together and then see if both of your ideals about marriage, children, housekeeping, spending money and family are similar.

However, I must point out that as long as you have made up your mind, it may be difficult for you to be objective in your assessment.