I Am Sick Of Waiting

We are both in our late 20s. We have been together for three years. The last year has been long distance because he is in school in Accra while I live in Cape-Coast. He originally wanted me to move with him, but I said not without a ring.

Now I have told him that I need to know within a month if he wants me to move there. We have talked and it is clear that he will not be proposing. He says he wants to marry me but he is not ready or thinking about marriage. He doesn't think the time is right.

I am sick of waiting. I would think after three years he should know if he wants to marry me. I am not sure whether I should wait or just break up with him to find a man who would want to marry me and will do something about it. By the way, I think he is the one and we are great together.

Maame K, Cape-Coast

Dear Maame K, what makes you think the next man you get involved with will marry you? Have you forgotten you will have to be together for a while before you even consider marriage.

Unless you want to tell me your next relationship will be a love at first sight situation and the guy will marry you the very day he sets eyes on you.

You know and I know this may not happen with whoever you get hooked to. You will have to date for sometime and if it hasn't occured to you, that time could have been spent with this guy who you say are great together.

Well, some people say an ultimatum is the quickest way to scare a guy off. Others believe an ultimatum is just what a guy needs to take action. To be completely honest, there is no right answer.

It sounds like he does want to marry you but just wants to get through school and get his life in order. I think you have a right to know if this is really true.

If you were telling me you had issues together, or he wasn't a great guy, or wasn't “the one” then I'd tell you not to wait around forever. But it really sounds like he's a great guy and that means waiting a few more years is nothing if you can ultimately spend the rest of your lives together.