CRACK YOUR RIBS!!!
SULE AND THE CHICKEN
Sule was sent to deliver a live chicken in Lagos, on his way a careless cyclist made him fall off, the chicken immediately ran away. Sule, on seeing the chicken flying away started laughing and when asked “why“, he said: see this mumu chicken, where does it know in Lagos when the address is with me.
MEN NEVER LISTEN
An ageing couple received a letter from their daughter who went to study overseas:
My beloved Parents,
I miss you so much. I don't know when I'm coming home, but it seems not anytime soon. It breaks my heart to think that by the time I get back you'll be too old. So enclosed herein, you will find a bottle of a potion I have invented. It will make you young, so when I return you'll be the same age as I left you.
NOTE: "Please take only one drop"
So they opened the envelope and in it there was a bottle with a red potion.
The husband looked at the wife and muffled: "You go first." (typical of men!)
So the wife opened the bottle and took a drop, thereafter, her husband followed. Indeed they did turn 5 years younger.
Years later the daughter returned home to find her mother younger and beautiful, strapped a baby to her back.
The mother proceeded to tell her daughter how the potion worked and made her look young.
The daughter was so delighted and asks about her father.
"Your father? Hmmm, my child, your father was so jealous that I was young and beautiful so he drank the whole bottle."
"So where is he?"
"Oh, that's him I have on my back..
A MAN WHO MAKES CASKETS
A man who makes caskets was on his way to deliver one of the coffins when, not that far from his destination, his car broke down.
Trying not to be late out of respect for the client, he put the coffin on his head and began heading to his destination.
Some policemen saw him and wanted to make some money off him (bribe), so they challenged him:
"Hey!!! What are you carrying and where are you going?!"
The man said, “Eish, I do not like where I was buried, so I am busy relocating".
The Policemen turned and ran for their lives!!!
A MAN AND A TRAINER
A man asked a trainer at the gym house, I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use? Trainer replies; Use ATM machine!!!
HUSBAND AND WIFE
Husband comes home from Church, greets his wife, lifts her up and carries her around the house. The wife is so surprised and asks smiling, “did the Pastor preach about being romantic"? Out of breath the husband replies, "No, he said we must carry our burdens..."
SMS FROM A FAITHFUL HUSBAND
SMS from a faithful husband to wife: "Hi honey, I'm just having my last beer and I'll be home in 30 minutes. If I'm not, please read this message again!
A HAUSA MAN INTERVIEWED AT US EMBASSY
A Hausa man interviewed at US Embassy today:
CONSUL C: Ur name?
Hausa man H: Musa Adamu.
H: 6 times a week.
C: I mean, male or female?
H: Doesn't matter sometimes even camel
C: Holy cow!
H: Yes, cows too
C: Isn't that hostile?
H: Horse style, dog style, any style
C: Oh Dear!
H: No deer!
HUSBAND AND WIFE
Wife says you don't make love to me anymore. Husband pointing to their 11children, do u think I downloaded these from google??