COUPLES SHOULD BE WELL INFORMED ABOUT MARRIAGE - PASTOR ABIMBOLA DAVIDS, FOUNDER WOMEN OF WORTH FELLOWSHIP
• Pastor Abimbola Davids and her husband
One meeting with her and you are captivated by her charm and humility. Pastor Abimbola Davids reminds you of the Proverbs 31 woman as stated in the Holy Bible. Ever ready and willing to support her husband in his divine call as Head Pastor, Global Impact Church, Lagos, she established a women fellowship called Women of Worth.
Recently, she organised a meeting where women were lectured on poise and relational skills. The meeting focused on harnessing inner qualities of women rather than outward appearances that mislead.
In an interview with Daily Sun, the philosophy graduate shed more light on the fellowship and her challenges as a pastor's wife. Excerpts:
Why the topic Irresistible Woman for the Women of Worth programme?
Being 'irresistible' connotes something that cannot be resisted or opposed. To me, it means something that can't be avoided. A typical example is the 'law of gravity'; no matter your race, background or gender, we are all subject to the law of gravity. You can't avoid it. Hence, tagging this programme An Irresistible woman, was to largely help woman see that they don't have to just be tolerated but celebrated. There are certain people you meet that you can't wait for them to leave or if you have your way, you avoid them because of something they do or say.
However, there are some others that you want to meet. They leave a positive mark on your life. They stand out amongst others. You are drawn to them for certain reasons. Unfortunately, most women focus on the outward as a priority - beauty, fashion, figure, etc, all which are important, but not lasting. Our society is ridden with beautiful people who lack character. When all is said and done, it is character that makes a man. So, the meeting focused on both inner and outward qualities that will get both God and man attracted to us as women of worth.
As a woman, do you think women are being undermined in our society?
Presently, I think a lot has changed in the way women are being treated. A major factor that affected the behavior to women has to do with the fact that our society is still largely hinged on cultural and religious beliefs. However, mindsets are beginning to change, it's now acceptable for girls to dream big and to aspire to great achievements like their male colleagues. The political system too has been affected with more women taking up public roles in government.
In the long run, it all boils down to the family unit. Society is a combination of different family units and what a family churns out is what the society receives. The challenge is for parents to do their best in developing their daughters by encouraging their dreams & aspirations. At the end of the day, the world still celebrates a woman that stands out in her profession, her gender notwithstanding.
You have been married for some time, what are some of the secrets to a lasting relationship that has worked for you?
Marriage is like a school, you keep learning and unlearning. A major key to a lasting and loving marriage is personal growth. There were so many things I thought I knew about relationships but reading books, listening to experienced teachings helped me drop wrong mindsets and form right ones. So, I encourage husbands and wives to be better informed about marriage. Don't be too rigid with your beliefs - you may be wrong. Patience is another vital key. A lot of us jump into conclusions and assumptions and judge our spouses hastily. Even when something happens that you don't like, get all the facts before you unleash your wrath on your spouse. Many mistakes we make are made during times of impatience. Hear him or her out before you judge them.
What lessons has life taught you which you consider great lessons?
Life is a good school but not the best school. God's Word is the best school to attend, because God's Word contains all the answers to life's problems. A major lesson I learnt from God's Word is that life is like a jungle, filled with all manner of wild beasts, but when guided by an experienced ranger, you can escape being a victim of those beasts. There are people, jobs, environments that can destroy one like those wild beasts but having God as a guide preserves you from unnecessary hardship and losses. So, I have learnt to involve God with every little detail of my life, no matter how little or insignificant it looks.
What is your born again experience like?
It wasn't really spectacular physically. I just felt empty inside and I wanted to experience the joy I saw in my friends, so I decided to become like them. That was what prompted me to ask Him as my Lord and saviour.
How long have been born again?
For over 15 years now. I got born again while in secondary school. I have since seen the goodness of God in my life.
After you got born again, were there times you felt like giving up because of challenges?
Yes, there have been challenges but honestly I never felt like giving up on God. My relationship with God has kept me in the good times and bad times. Giving Him my life and allowing Him rule me is the best thing that ever happened to me.
Do you think Christians today are living like Christ given the state of our nation?
I can't speak for all Christians. But I think being Christ-like is a personal challenge and charge. It can be quite challenging and sometimes difficult to live like Christ, even in our homes - with our spouses and family members but taking it one day at a time is important. At the end of each day, look within and ask yourself how you did that day. It may lead to loads of repenting, asking for forgiveness from people, etc but being Christ-like is personal. God judges us individually, not husband & wife or mother and child. We should aim to become better everyday, and in the process, we become more and more like Him.
When Women of Worth was established,what kind of woman do you see in your mind's eye?
A woman of wealth and a woman of worth. I saw women who have excellent characters and who are successful in their careers.
What are the plans you have for Women of Worth?
To continue helping women become the best they can be through whatever strategy and avenue God gives us.
What are the challenges of being a pastor's wife?
Not having my husband solely to us, that is, the children and I. But I have learnt to trust in God at those times and be there for the children.
How do you think pastors' wives can better support their husbands in ministry?
First of all, whether you preach or not, we cannot compromise our own personal growth spiritually. Our rate of growth ultimately affects our husbands. Don't take it for granted - don't leave it to him alone to do the reading, praying, sowing financially, etc. Another area has to do with the home, ensuring peace and love in the home is vital. There's nothing that distracts more than an unstable home - so we should do our part in keeping our homes from strife and tension. These are just few of the things we can do.
In what ways are you helping young ladies live their dreams as a role model?
First of all, I believe it starts by being an example to others. I believe the most impact we can make is by being real. I don't want to preach something I've not mastered or at least started working on. One vital area I try to emphasize when talking to ladies individually or in church is that they way they see themselves is how others will see them. In other words, helping them see their worth and value in Christ, which ultimately determines how others treat them, at work, home, in their relationships with the opposite sex, is my goal.
When you met your husband, was it love at first sight?
It was more of like at first sight. I really liked him because he was funny, decisive and could rally people around him. He was also very determined, he wouldn't take no for an answer. And I got to know him more and found myself always wanting him to visit and be around him; in other words, I grew to love him and I'm still in love with him, even more than before.
What advice would you give young pastor's wives?
Learn to be patient with yourself. There's a tendency to want to impress your husband or the church and you get clustered with activity without having a life for yourself. Be committed to growing; as much as you can, attend meetings with your husband so you can learn what he's learning and the like. Most of all, be a friend to your husband - don't neglect your marital relationship.
Tell us about yourself
I am the second of four children. I am from Oyo State and studied Philosophy at Obafemi Awolowo University, Ile-Ife. I would call myself a 'student for life', I never like being ignorant of important things. Right from childhood, I would read books that were almost heavier than me, of course, there were down sides to that but I have learnt to channel that trait to pursuing things that would benefit me and people around me.