Fashion sense to Fake Accents

By Joy Della Ocloo
This is nat my lernd? - Bob Manuel
This is nat my lernd? - Bob Manuel

My next heartache is the fake accents.

Before I say any further, I have discussed some of these with a psychologist and he suggests that our actors probably have identity crises. I want to agree with him.

I ended up a psychiatrist office because my head was pounding after watching a movie with Bob Manuel Udokwu. In fact for a while there, I started to include an “R” in everything I said and ended up in the clinic. “Corme, lernd, corw, hernd, blocking my nasal passage as I did these too” My parents panicked and well, I ended up on admission.

The list is exhaustive but I will try. You know I am still recovering.

Bob Manuel Udokwu*, Mike Ezuronye*, Stephanie Okereke*, Desmond Elliot, Benedict Johnson, Uche Obgodo, Eucharia Anunobi, Dakore Ebguson, Ramsey Nouah, Jackie Appiah, Van Vicker, Nana Ama Mcbrown, Nadia Buhari, Monalisa Chinda.

Let me make something clear to our artistes. America has 54 states. Each part of the USA has a unique accent. The southern accent, the Yankee accent, the western which is more of the California, Nevada areas, the dirty South accent, where they sound like they are still on a slave camp, people in Boston and Michigan areas also sound different, then Texas, the cowboy accent. Those ones you need a translator to understand them after which you go and find some panadol quick or APC, and then you have the Black accent, then the hip hop accent among others.

So, for a person to stay in Georgia for 2 years, a southern twang might come into play. So as our actors and actresses are ignorantly, ignorantly copying accents let them be careful as they switch from a 2 weeks vacation in London British accent to a 2 day award ceremony trip to New York Americana accent in sentence after sentence. Mike Ezuronye, I have set fire to every movie you have ever acted because of this disease you are carrying. Are you so insecure and lack confidence in how you were raised to speak?

Stephanie Okereke, may our father in heaven help you with that nasal American infused Nigerian accent and that weird thing you do with your lips in trying to sound so foreign. Nadia Buhari, please join Stephanie up there, Nana Ama, your own just sounds like you are an illiterate. Bob Manuel, let me not even start. You have already sent me to the hospital and the co-pay on my health insurance is too high.

When embracing a character, you have enough problems discarding yourself to become another person, saddling yourselves with the burden of trying to fake an accent consistently is not effective. The acting suffers and at the end of the day, your viewers spend hard earned money on crappy performances. Any wonder we go online to watch the movies instead of buying them? Who wants to keep those idiotic forms of speech?

Once again, I will rest the blame on directors and also producers. If you a producer are spending money to make a film and cannot call your director to take note of these inconsistencies, then do not complain of piracy. When quality is infused into the product at all levels, then we will spend money to buy it.

Genevieve Nnaji, Chioma Chukwuka, Kanayo Kanayo, Liz Benson, Sandra Achums, Bimbo Akintola, Omotola Jolade, Chidi Mokeme, Nkem Owoh, Doris Sakitey, Akofa Edjeani, Ekow Smith, Rita Dominic, Zack Orji among a few others are house hold names, they have never faked accents. They speak their raw born with accents. It has never stopped them from selling more movie copies than the others listed above.

Your audiences are not fools you know. We know these things.

Penelope Cruz is a top selling Hollywood actress, never has she faked her accent for anyone. Djimon Housou still has his African accent; a lot of these German Hollywood stars also still have their accents intact. It has not stopped them from advancing.

For Leonardo Di Caprio to have to speak an African accent for Blood Diamond is that Africans have a unique distinction. It means we have a manner of speaking in our lernd….sorry land. So sorry.

I am waiting for the day am American will try to copy an African accent in his movie if it is not required.

Why are we copying everything blindly? We will never copy the good things like how much time and effort goes into American or British movie making. Even South Africa here. All we want to copy are the superficial things; things that are fleeting and hold no substance.

Once again, I question the motives, background and intelligence of these actors.