SHE HAS FORGOTTEN ALL WE SHARED TOGETHER
Hi Dan,
Since you have included your email address and phone number, any interested person may contact you directly. It is interesting that your specifications emphasize 'single, divorced or widowed' yet you ask for an 'easy friendship'. All those categories of women you describe have some need or the other so I don't know if you will have 'an easy friendship.' Good luc.
NJ
Hello Nji,
I am 28 years, and I finished my NYSC programme in 2009. I had always dreamt of getting married to a virgin by Gods grace. In November 2009, I met a girl of 24 who I love and would like to marry if God approves. To be frank, it has been a sex-free relationship, but the problem is that the she told me this year that she had a D & C after being made pregnant by a guy who forced her into bed during her secondary school days, but they could not marry as they were not ready for marriage. Though she told me that I am the only guy in her life now, I am afraid of the side effects of the D & C, if the relationship eventually leads to marriage. Do I ask her to go for a test beforehand or what? I want to quit the relationship before it's too late. Your advice would be highly treasured forever.
Thank you.
• C.J.
Dear C.J,
What do you consider to be the side effects of a dilation of the cervix (D.C)? What kind of test are you asking that she undergoes? If she miscarried or aborted a fetus then a D.C was conducted to 'cleanse' and ensure that her cervix has returned to normal. If it was done professionally, there is nothing to be afraid of but if she found herself in the hands of unscrupulous persons posing as medical doctors then you may have cause to worry. Your concern at that point is about her ability to conceive and/or carry a fetus to full term. Your best bet is to encourage her to visit a gynaecologist who will examine her. If you love her C.J, you will stay with her through thick or thin. Marriage is a mutual agreement between two people who love each other; children are a special gift of that union. If you are blessed with children; consider yourself lucky, if not you can always adopt many orphans looking for loving homes.
NJ
Hi Nj,
I enjoy reading your column but I have been kind of reluctant to write in too. However, right now I find that I cannot help it anymore.
I have up to four guys who are presently on my neck to either date or marry me. Of tjhese guys, I like two of them. I am so confused about who to choose right now because I don't know what to do.
Please help me.
• FAA
Hi FAA,
Aren't you lucky to have all these suitors at your beck and call? Well you have not given me anything to work with in terms of their characteristics, personalities, physical attributes, educational level, and family background. Then, how about your characteristics; how well do they fit into the guys that you are speaking about? These are all the variables that must be considered before I can narrow down who your match will be.
NJ
Hello Nji,
My name is Emmanuel. I have been reading your column in the Sunday Sun. I had this girl, and we have dated for more than two years now. I am 23 and she she is 21. I love and trust this girl so much. We were living in the same environment until I went four my industrial training (IT) in a neigbouring state. From there I still maintained about 90 percent of our contact as I was always calling her on the phone. Then I got transferred to another neighbouring state. Notwithstanding, I never failed to stay in touch.
And to crown it all, I remained very faithful to her. I know that not many will believe me, but I never let her down. In fact I even respected her absence more. Now to cut a long story, I finished my IT. But my parents were transferred to Lagos. So I had to leave for Lagos. While she is at Abuja. I know it a very far distance. But I believe that cannot stop or influence the love. Then, sometime ago, my girl came for a function in Lagos because her father is also in Lagos. In fact my father and her father are colleagues. The next day, she came to my house.
Naturally I wanted to get a little intimate, but not really sex. But she just wasn't interested. My girl is so good at kissing, but this time, she was just pale. I asked her what the problem was; I got no answer from her. So let her be, given that I didn't want to do anything against her will. But it was not pleasant as we had not seen each other for almost six months. When she got back to Abuja, the story changed. She no longer called. I now do the calling. Four a week if I didn't call, she wouldn't bother. At a point I stopped calling. But after sometime, I had to start calling again.
I even apologised to her for the period I not call. I asked her if she still wants to go on with me. She said yes. But still my mind and my heart still don't seem to trust her. Because is not behaving like the girl I used to know. And she is not even having any personal problem so to say. I know her elder sister is an advocate of ladies dating more than two guys. I am lost because I don't know whether she has actually succumbed. Though I am Lagos, I have still been faithful to her. But the way this thing is going, I think my mind keeps telling me that she is dating someone else.
Honestly, I am at a loss wondering what to do. Do I just go on with my without her? Or what? She is a nice girl. Every guy would want her, and she doesn't really say no. Instead she will want to have their money. And leave them. But I know that is easier said than done. Please help me, am losing focus. I would really be glad if you send me a reply through my box. Or rather send me your number, so we could talk, or I wouldn't even mind giving you her nos. Maybe you advise her. Please I would like you. I would really be expecting your reply.
• EMMANUEL
Hi,
First of all, please do not write in SMS language as it is really difficult to follow in plain English. From what I gathered, you and this girl have been apart for nearly 6 months and you have been the one that sustained the relationship through frequent communications. This girl finally visited you but was not interested in showing any type of affection to you. Your girl's sister encourages your girl to date multiple partners for money.
Well it appears that you do not really have a girl at this time. It appears that distance has really made your girl's heart go sour. I suspect that she is at crossroads because she has met other interesting people. She may still care for you but at this point in time, you need to open your eyes to see that she is no longer interested. So, I suggest you leave things alone for now, stop calling her and just wait it out. If she is yours, she will come back to you. Be sure to keep an open heart in case she comes back.
NJ
Hi Nji,
I am a 27 year old good looking guy; I need a mature lady for any kind of relationship to help me achieve a desired goal. Looking forward with utmost gladness to hearing from you.
• NELKON, ABUJA.
Dear Nelkon,
Please write with your email and phone number so that interested parties may respond to you directly.
Nj
Hello,
Can I just know more about your program?
Well, you have not indicated your name or email address on this correspondence but my column is about helping people resolve common problems that arise in relationships. I offer counseling and advice based on experience and real life examples. Typically, letters are sent to my mailbox and I make every effort to reply them within 2 to 3 cycles. I hope this helps,
NJ