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Who go marry who, and the troubles 

By Fatimah Bakare-Dickson
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Who you marry will either make you a better or bitter person. Parents sometimes match-make, it works for some and others live in misery for the rest of their lives. Most parents have an idea of the kind of wife, or husband their kids should marry, his age, ethnogeographic data, and while it is all good, importantly, parents please don't ruin your children's life...

I had this friend way back in school, she was beautiful and offcourse loving. Bibi; an epitome of a true and trusted friend. In our circle of friends, she could hold a secret forever. Bibi is homely and could tolerate any kind of human being.

What I love most about Bibi is that she has a mind of her own. You could go any length to talk her into something but if she is not interested you can't force her.

Bibi has a killer smile, it was and still I am sure her weapon of mass destruction.

Her boyfriend is from Katsina state and we all knew the relationship will not see the light of the day.

In her 4th year in the University, she broke up with her boyfriend, it was bound to happen due to religious and ethnic complexities, I used to call it background, but these days, I simply call it COMPLEXITIES.

Love can hurt, she felt it so hard. The breakup affected both her academics and her personal life, I had to alert the same guy before she loses it. Whatever therapy he gave her worked. She was able to readjust at the end of it and she pulled through.

He was a year ahead of her, he left Nigeria after his final exams before Youth Service. He was fortunate to get a scholarship for his masters program in Ireland, and he must return as soon as he is done.

Bibi, as secretive as ever graduated and left Nigeria also. I have never seen her up till this day.

I bumped into the Katsina lover boy in Abuja recently, he was so happy to see me. He was with his wife and two daughters.

The wife whom I knew too well. As he was about to introduce her she cuts in quickly, "she is my aunty before I met you". He smiled and quickly say Bibi is fine and doing well with my children in Ireland. Then it clicked.

I smiled and replied, I have been her aunty ever since she was a girl.

This lady had two daughters for two different men within three years. People called her names and believed no responsible man will ever marry her.

She met the Katsina lover at the airport while she was on transit to Turkey where she studied. I remember vividly she told me the man does not want to have kids with her but for companionship. He needed to keep a woman in Nigeria to avoid his family's suspicion. It looks more of a contract kind of marriage or 'arrangee' if you wish. She further told me he has a family in Ireland and his parents are not aware.

For him to gain his sanity of mind and be happy with himself, he flew Bibi out of Nigeria.

So Bibi and her Katsina lover got married outside Nigeria without the consent of their families? The marriage has been on for almost 20 years and they both had 3 kids.

Quickly I asked if their both families are aware of the stunt they have been pulling. He smiled and reminded me of the ethno religious crisis that is happening in Nigeria. It is better left alone than talked about. It is a no go area for both families.

Well it is nice seeing old friends.
Love has no language and religion, it just happens and you can't control it but we try so hard to control it...I am thinking Nigeria these days and the illwind blowing