IMPORTANT YET NEGLECTED
I will like to begin by asking you: how important is family to you and does what happen to family matter to you? I ask this question because many of us marry and begin families without realising the key role the family can play both for us and for society. I would like to believe your family matters to you and is important to you.
To many people, family takes priority over everything else in life: work, recreation, friendships, or status. Being financially secure or having a rewarding job would rank far below having a happy marriage. Even young people say having a good marriage and family is more important than any other goal in life. This is not surprising because a good marriage and happiness go together.
Notwithstanding all the clamouring against marriage and talk about family breakdown, it is still clear that family is of great importance in our world. Indeed, family is important to almost everyone I have ever met – men, women, singles, married people, children, teenagers – family is important to all. Yes, family is important, even for those who may not want it to be. More than that, family also matters to God.
The family is a universal phenomenon and preceded all other institutions of society. It is the institution which not only permits survival but prepares children for life. The building of an effective healthy family unit is the most important business in the world. The family is society’s most important institution and ought to be given priority by all.
In spite of all the problems we face in society, if all goes well in the family then life will be worth living.
Whether we know it or not, family is important, even when we are not conscious of it. Sometimes enjoyable, sometimes hurtful, family plays a crucial role in our lives. Its presence and absence is always noted.
No other association links us with one another as family does, and none is more influential. The family is the most profound of all influences on who we are and what we do. The family to which we are born and those in which we live as adults shape us from birth to death. They are the immediate cause of our best and worst times. Unfortunately, this importance is either been overlooked or underestimated by many people.
The family is important and matters to most people as already noted, yet it’s in serious trouble and need urgent help. Why are more and more people having so little success with what they say they value so much? Why are there so much mess and ugliness in many marriages and families today?
As important as marriage and family is to God it is ironically one of the most neglected by many people. Even though many will acknowledge that family disintegration is now a common problem in the Nigerian society, it’s said to observe that very little is been done by the government, the church and other stakeholders, for families. Family-related issues are hardly given attention to and those who want to get married are in most cases inadequately prepared.
What could be responsible for this shortcoming? There is no easy answer. But whatever the reason, we all need to be reminded that any effort to deal with the problems we face without dealing with their roots within the family is short-sighted. If family fails then all the other institutions of society will fail. Every influence which weakens the family and makes it more difficult for it to do its job will ultimately weaken the society. All that is done to build strong, healthy, happy and effective families will increase the possibility of a strong and healthy society.
Factors undermining the importance of the family
For long we have focused so much on the weaknesses in the family that we have failed to recognize its legitimate strengths and significance. One of the characteristics of our human nature is the tendency to give more attention to things which go wrong than to the things which go right. This unhealthy focus on the negative aspect of family life undermines its importance.
There is also influence from critics and enemies of the family. Many of us are been influenced by those who have made a vocation of discrediting marriage and family. Many writers on marriage and family operate from the assumption that the family is an “over-the-hill” institution and that the sooner we could come up with a viable alternative the better off we would be.
Television and movies is also part of the problem. A couple can hardly develop an awareness of the importance of the family while at the same time constantly exposed to caricatures of the family in the media.
Our growing overdependence upon other institutions in the society such as schools, the church and government also tends to undermine the family. While these other institutions may be allies of the family, they can never be substitutes for it.
The Way Out
What is the way out? First, we must all begin by valuing our own families. In all that you do, think family! Instead of lamenting and complaining of the corruption and perversion in the society, take the challenge and do something to redeem the quality of life within your own small society - your family. Whether you are single or married, decide today to live by God’s design for family relationship.
Secondly, get informed. God says in Hosea 4:6, “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge …” Take advantage of every God-ordained opportunity you have to learn about marriage and family living. Read good books on marriage and family, attend marriage seminars, workshops and conferences. In addition, consider enrolling as a student at the International Institute of Marriage and Ministry (IIMM), Rumuokoro, Port Harcourt.
This is a training programme that will not only transform, but will arm you to help other families. It’s a training programme that is flexible, affordable and very relevant to our present day society. It’s for singles as well as for newly married, middle or mature married couples. For more information, contact Helpers of Families International: [email protected] or call: 08035787556. God bless you.
Written By Pastor Sam Onyeji