Life As An Under-Graduate: My One And Only Female Crush

By Ajagbe Mayowa Samson
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Finishing with a perfect grade had always being my utmost goal right from my secondary school days. I did make sure to make the most of each course that I took. By this I mean, learning enough to be able to ace the exam. I simply loved the feeling of finishing an exam and knowing I’ll do well. Therefore, as odd as it might sound, exam periods were my favourite times in a semester, irrespective of how prepared I was and it’s ironic how eventually I get the idea of many courses when exams got close.

Somehow I learned how to utilize the adrenaline rush to my advantage, as there was no room for procrastinating, no studying irrelevant things; I’d become a time management expert, and priorities become absolute priority -buttressing the axiom that deadlines are a huge motivation.

I pretty much utilized this strategy throughout school. But it backfired in one particular course I took in Anatomy department in first semester 300 level. It was during this time I had my first life-threatening crush on a girl (an 100 level student).

The first time I saw her, it was during a night class usually organized by my church to assists students who live far from school areas in their readings during exam periods, this saves me and many other students from the stress of going a long way to school to read at night. It was during my 200 level second semester exam, she was a pre-degree student then and we both attend the same church.

We became friends during those periods, most times we discussed at length during the classes leaving our books behind to suffer....there was nothing like "crush" then, I only enjoyed her company. She is a young girl with good oratory skills, she is dark and fresh and walks elegantly usually with her spectacles.

I resumed for 300 level first semester the following year just to see myself becoming more religious, mayowa now waits for sunday school class after the first service, I had increased the number of times I attended weekly programmes in church, no other reason than just to see the beautiful face of this damsel, that was the only rendezvous since I never had the courage to ask for her hostel details talkless of paying her a visit .....

For the first time, I had my first life-threatening crush on a girl, l called it a life-threatening crush because for the first time, the thoughts of a girl would make me lose concentration and have sleepless night... Quite frankly, it was an obsession,almost like what you’d see in a typical Nollywood movie. You see for the most part of my secondary school days, I never really got so close to girls.

There was no girlfriend, no hugs, no first kiss, nothing. In fact I can still remember the first girl I shook hands with. And it wasn’t the case that I had some strange aversion for girls as now I have really cool female friends whom I hold dear. I think of it as not learning early enough about how to deal with the little awkwardness (nuances) of boy-girl attraction in teens. So repression was my way of handling any opposite sex attraction.

I simply felt it was a wrong feeling. Perhaps that’s why allowing myself to feel these innately harmless emotions for the first time was a struggle. It was overwhelming ruthfully. I couldn’t get myself to accept these feelings let alone muster enough courage to talk to this girl or express my feelings on how much I loved her and it would make me feel sick.

My repression therapy didn’t work and as the weeks rolled by studying became difficult. To worsen matters, anatomy courses was not even one I liked very much. In fact because there was no C.A test for the course, I can say the only major reading I did started 48 hours before the exam. It was the closest I got to failing a course; if passing solely depended on how confident one was before the exam.

Luckily I was able to answer some of the exam questions but not to my satisfaction. I did not carry over the course but it left a dent in my 300 level CGPA and ofcourse in my emotional reasoning till today.