A Smoky Hole, "a Paw In The Bottle" And "a Sucker Punch"?!
Hahahaha! Hehehehe!! Hohohoho!!!
Na so I just dey laugh o!....after ruminating over Jonathan's plight at this time in space....and weighing his options....
His choices are few....He either repents from his ways and plays fair in this political game of electing a president for this nation....and risks a most-revealing fiscal probe with attendant public shame and disgrace if he loses....
Or he revs up on this new-found courage....muting up all "distractors and enemies of progress" who call him spineless....as he postpones and re-postpones the election, sacks and reappoints INEC Chairmen!....by proxy......
He may even cancel the elections altogether by proxy and lure his greedy Sergeants-At-Arms to pick up headship of a "sovereign national government" Shonekan-style!
You may be absolutely right if you wonder if this is the right time to engage in raucous laughter. But the sheer stupidity inherent in monstrous greed is so compelling in propelling even the most serious men out of sobriety.....and giving vent to free display of uncommon emotion!
The whole greed~laden scenario reminds me of two fables: "Paw In The Bottle" by the genial James Hardley Chase. And "The Sucker Punch" by the same author.
The method used to hunt monkeys in Brazil....remember? The monkey thrusts his greedy hand into the gourd and holds the nut firmly....if not too firmly in his sweaty grasp. But the mouth of the bottle is too small to permit a withdrawal of this fisted hand with the nut. You would think the monkey would let go of the nut and make his escape while he still has the chance. But Mr Monkey would hold on....struggle relentlessly to remove his clasped hand....and get caught! Always gets caught with his hands in the till....the booty still in his grasp!
The proceeds of crime!
The loots of war! As our rulers have declared a ruthless war of attrition on us all....as if only they and their bastardly sires can possibly populate this land after they had exterminated us all!
Two, The Sucker Punch....as enunciated by Mr Hardley Chase after watching an over-confident boxer practically run into a punch? I recommend you read that novel....
A pot pouri of inordinate greed, rabid wickedness to fellow men and over-confidence can result in a most disastrous dish....a dangerous recipe many brilliant students of history have learnt to avoid. But with Mr Jona "forging" a PhD bereft of thesis, who can vouch for his brilliance? Lousy pronunciation! Bad tenses!
Of one fact I am certain....Mr Jona sure is in hot soup!
He must be running amok in his rabbit-hole by now...rummaging in his brain how to let himself out of this smoky hole! Nothing compares to a smoky hole, especially if such smoke is generated by the owner of the hole!
So Oga Jona, how do you play....
.....in this near-impossible game you have so unwittingly crafted for yourself?
Methinks it is a lose-lose situation.....
You have boxed yourself into a corner....
You have lined yourself up for a "Sucker Punch"!
This rabbit will smoke itself out of its hole!
It's just a question of time!
Dr Tosin Akindele is a Lagos-based medical practitioner and public affairs analyst.