LADOKITES: WETIN UNA LIKE TO DEY CHOP?
As our people dey always talk: 'Wetin dey sweet person, na em dey kill am.' Monkey wey like to dey chop banana, na that same banana dem dey use catch am or kill am. Wetin una like to dey chop? Anytin wey you like chop well well, I go tell you sey make you continu but jejely. If na Iya No1's Amala and Fufu, Mama Tee's Rice and Beans, Iya Kazeem's beans and bured or Ekestifier's Bread and Ewa Gbona you dey chop well, continu; abi na Poly Kitchen's mixture of rice, beans, indomie and macaroni with dodo on top, abeg continu.
Whether na those Essiens' puffpuff and doughnut, Mama 70 or Iya pupa's Eggbunce, Meatpie and chill Sobo, continu. Shey na Iya Dorcas' Kengbe or na the Akara olororo for facebook junction? Suya nko? Abi which you dey chop wela gan? Sowie if I no mention your favourite, forgive this man-pikin. Anytin you sabi chop wella, continu. Na for good; if person no eat to live, person must sha live to eat, abi I lie ni? Correct me if I am wrong o. You people for Aroje, Adenike, Oke Afin, Yoaco, Stadium, General and so, sorry too if I no mention the joint(s) you dey visit, no vex, I no sabi am ni because you only you dey waka go there, you never for once call person join. Try to dey invite man-pikin nah, make we enjoy wetin you dey enjoy together.
Anyway, wetin you dey chop no concern me, na your belle e dey go, but no forget to put caution for am, because anytin person chop too much na wahala, e dey always cause kasala if one no dey careful. If na Beans you like chop well, I go advice you make you try dey step am down with bread or garri, and no chop am much during weekdays because if the thing grip you for lecture hall, nowhere to run purge am, as you know water no always dey available for all the toilets inside school, or else you go run relay race to ya hostel like my friend Omotade.
To those of us that like suya, I go tell us make we very 'be-careful'. Most especially, you ladies wey go chop meat, troway the sliced onions for dustbin. Nutritionists have warned people not to eat suya without the slices of onion, cabbage, tomatoes and other vegetables usually served along with the meat. Research have shown there is a strong link between consumption of suya and increased risk of cancer, but consumption of suya garnished with onions and other vegetables, has a strong cancer-lowering effect. One is prone to cancer due to its preparation, in which the meat is cooked over an open fire, and oils from the meat undergo complex chemical reactions that produce toxins that are carcinogenic (cancer-causing) in nature. Meat cooked over open flame often causes the formation of toxic compounds known as Heterocyclic Amines, HCAs, which are carcinogenic compounds. The more well-done a meat is cooked, the higher concentration of carcinogenic HCA's can form.
Causes of Cancer are due to oxidative processes in the body. So, onions are powerful antioxidants that effectively stop the oxidative process triggered by consumption of suya from taking place. Findings reveal that women who consume suya are more prone to cancer (breast cancer) than men because they (women) tend to consume just the suya and ignore the vegetables. Men eat onions, women eat suya. This has been practically proven beyond doubt. I'm not saying suya is bad, on the contrary, it is a great delicacy, but beneficial only when eaten in moderation and along with the onion and cabbage. Findings also link excessive consumption of suya to possible kidney damage.
Besides, according to the recent release of Christian Association of Nigeria (CAN), Boko Haram intends to step up its terror campaign across Nigeria with plans to import poisonous powder which suya sellers will lace their meats with in a bid to kill millions. 'We are warning our people to be careful of suya because we have now heard that they will start poisoning people through it. There is a powder that is now being imported which they will spread on suya and after two weeks it will start eating one's liver and other organs.', In the statement made by Bishop Emmanuel Chukwuma, the Anglican Bishop of the Enugu Diocese and CAN Chairman in the Southeast geo-political zone.
Conclusively, those of you wey too like to dey chop that thingthe thing papa and mama no dey chop remain for pikin; the 'ogbono' wey 'Johnny' chop give Yemi Alade's Uche belle. Na that same thing Fela call 'Poi', I beg you to be very careful because of diseases like HIV/AIDs, STDS, Gonorrheal, Syphilis, Kuruna, Eegbon and so on, and other things you no think. E no matter sey e tey wey you don dey chop am clean mouth, no forget na one day bushmeat go catch the hunter, like wetin happen for my village, I pray make you no experience am sha o. Na one carpenter like that, he don go repair the window of him neighbour, him no know sey that neighbor wey he dey help repair window don go dey 'Poi�� his wife.
As the carpenter finish work, he waka go him house corridor, use hammer knack nail for ground and comot to do faaji for the nearby cool spot. When the neighbor 'Poi' finish, he wan stand to dress but the 'Poi-Poi' door don close hook him rod, na that gangan cause gbege for street. The thing wey dem dey chop jejely for room become film-show for street. Come see groove, see coast! Na die that day. Oga carpenter for kill the neighbor but thanks to the local security operatives wey rescue the situation.
Another wey happen na to three men, dem enter one house dey 'Poi' ladies there. As one of them 'Poi' finish, he crow like cock kick bucket, another one show acrobatic stunts for street. We hear sey dem both knack Magun/Mogun on top the ladies wey dem 'Poi'. Na 'shekem dance' the third man dance for village square; shekem, shekem, shekem, as he dey shekem for us, we dey give him koboko; we sharpaly turn am to 'Opa festival' ni o.
Opa festival na the festival for my village wey no involve rituals or making of sacrifices unto any idol; it's all about singing and dancing while some physically fit men and women will voluntarily flog each other on their back; the young and the old engage in severe flogging of each other to mark the clearing of the bush for the cultivation. Strong young men see it as an exercise while many people see it as a torturous festival. Abi you dey wait make I tell you my ghen-ghen village ni??? Taaarrrhhh, log on to www.yougowaittire.com and fill form. Ire ooo; ire kanka, ire kabiti!
Oluwatomilola Boyinde, TOMI'NIGERIA, PRO, Union of Campus Journalists (UCJ) & All-Nigeria United Nations Students' and Youth Association (ANUNSA), LAUTECH. [email protected], @TomiNigeria, 08032434218, 2AF2EB9D.