WE KNOW YOU! YOU ARE A HUSBAND KILLER!

Personally, I am not of the notion that men are higher beings than women....for obvious reasons of course! Quite at variance with what some religious books of reference may state, I believe all human beings are equal. I was not asked to pay lesser amounts as school fees for my daughter....and there had been occasions when girls "beat" me roundly in academics at school. So, it even irritates me that a daughter I invested so much on would end up at the beck and call of some man....by way of marriage! So I am for equality of the sexes! Brook no doubt about that!

It has been observed however, that women who are ringleaders to this equality thing do not have stable homes. For they want more than equality. They want to rule their husbands. Their body language shows it all. In the words of the legendary James Hardley Chase, the word "nag" is written all over them. They are the embodiment of mannerlessless....sauciness personified. Sharp-tongued as ever, you see them in the saucy nurse, the rude receptionist, and the snappy waiter. And mind you, this issue of manners is a vicious cycle....for the hotter they make their homes, the more snappy and rude they tend to be at work....yelling at subordinates....hissing at superiors....or shouting at mates and clients. I recall my days as a govt Medical Officer. We knew the bad nurses. You could "smell" them from kilometers afar....red halos around the eyes....vicious curl to the lips tending towards a snarl....ruffled hair....overpainted face....yelling at colleagues, raining curses on Drs and even sending invectives to the parents of younger doctors.You greet...Good Morning, Matron, she does not reply. Why? You should have said "Good Morning Ma!" You ask for an item, she gestures to a locker....and loudly wonders if "this one is just a JJC! He should know where his colleagues fetch things. Hmmmm. Does he think she is your housemaid?" The next time, as soon as you offer your greeting, you navigate towards that locker to fetch an item....and she yells at you for invading her office! We had a secret appelation for those frustrated nurses. We knew for certain they did not have stable homes. And you know what, you cannot cover up smoke....you cannot hide bad manners. It defines you. It is your logo! You are the vintage husband killer! You kill him with your relentless nagging. He closes from work, he is afraid to come home....because he has a hyena for a wife. Those who see him in the nearby beer parlour thinks he is a drunkard....not realising he is merely trying to kill time. He intends to get home....long after his hyena is fast asleep. He develops a hypertension....a heart attack....and a massive stroke...and dies prematurely! Your nagging and the bottle ensures that! And you start agitating for his belongings. How evil can you be? If he is lucky, his life is spared....perhaps he is fired from work....and you briskly abandon him to the elements!.Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Similarly, behind every unsuccessful man, there is a woman! Ever ready to relate with our successes....but refrain from our failures....though they cause them. And what are those things.....those little things we need....and many of these women find hard to give? Clean and pressed clothes, warm baths and meals, an ear for our thoughts for their imputs, their being there for our kids, clean surroundings, running our homes. Many of us do not even expect them to get up and personally run these chores....before they retort...." I am not your cook!" or "I am not your maid!" All we require of them is that at the very least, they would point the servants and kids in the direction of these chores! But even that is too much for them! Husband killers!

Dr Tosin Akindele is a Lagos-based medical practitioner and social critic.

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Articles by Tosin Akindele