Polygamy and its many pluses.

Polygamy by the very definition available to me in the concise dictionary states that "It's the practice of having more than one wife or husband at the same time". Going by this definition, one notices that the peculiarity of the practice is not restricted to only a husband having more than one wife, but also a woman adopting more than one husband as her partners. However in Nigeria context, the former seems to be the familiar definition of the term "polygamy", which many believe its rampant among muslims(though unrestrained because of its quranic backing).

The practice of this type of marriage (to many) is viewed as a deliberate action at thwarting the growth of a one-man-one-wife together with their children by the way extending the resources hitherto meant for a monogamous family to a polygamous home not minding the possible reasons that might have led to the cause of a man having more than one wife, this leads me to some out of the many reasons for a polygamous family set-up.

The first one is when a marriage(though the couple would have waited for long) refuses to be "fruitful", during this period, the pressure of having more wives keeps coming from the bride's family at this time aswell,series of meetings begin to hold which are aimed at confronting the husband with the fact that none of his predecessors had lived without successors, hence where his own is coming from. From this assertion, the husband begins to scale the various thoughts by his kinsmen and women, and if he may belucky enough to get a nod from his wife to go ahead in bringing the second wife to their family.

The second reason comes up in a situation whereby the couple tends to be having same sex issues(children) which could definately come in form of either only males or only females, this reason too, the husband might be lucky to get the nod from his wife together with a minor family pressure.

The third reason can be justified by the family pedigree in which the husband might be so naive not to question the basis of the adoption of the polygamous trend in his family, thereby having no option than to follow same suit. Other reasons may be as a result of a "mistake" (on the part of the man), the desire to satisfy sexual pleasure or frustration (on the part of the woman towards the man),etc.

Although, many products of polygamous home seem to be blind of the many values of the "Larger institution" where fate has placed them, many of them have found no reason to be thankful of the privileges they've got(that a monogamous product is deprived of), but rather, they tend to blame their woes in life on their background.

The first plus of a polygamous(in the case where the husband and the wives stay together) is that the children are exposed to different species of human beings and the different behaviours that emanate as a result of their co-existence, it might be a tough experience, but in actual fact, the wiser of the children sees the exploration of these differences as an integral part of experience to building his/her own personality.

The second plus(in the case where the children co-exist under a single roof) is that the children tend towards learning from the different characteristics of their siblings, thereby making them understand the complex nature of human beings as raised by different mothers.

The last plus is that, which one gains perchance in a situation whereby the malefolks are lucky to have their brothers wives raised under same roof with them, the children(males) are able to acquire a wealth of experiences in addition to those that are already gained from their father in dealing with women(wives) in life. This reason enables one to understand the complexities of human nature as raised from diverse backgrounds. In this case, the wise one, so to speak, studies thoroughly the behaviours of these wives which in turn benefits him in setting up his own family. Not that the female folks in this 'plus' would not have anything to benefit but they also acquire the knowledge of making a good wife in future.

It is noteworthy that my many pluses (in no way) do not nullify the the minuses you might perceive of a polygamous home(either as an onlooker or its product), but rather than focussing on these negative aspects, i would suggest(to a polygamous product) that you make your own good out of the situation and stop blaming your misfortune on the unchangeable situation.

The piece is written to commemorate the 5th remembrance of Late Alhaji Yekini Aremu Sadiku(Mogaji Ashipa of Ibadan), whom God has used to open my eyes to the complex nature of human beings on earth and the privilege he has given me to be raised in a polygamous home.

Sadiq Abiodun writes from OAU ile-ife, osun state.